Melt My Heart

The past few weeks have been a bit tough around here living with & disciplining a moody almost three year old...but then, when you least expect it, the clouds break and God gives you an angelic moment to hold on to! That moment happened this morning at our house. Evan woke up a little too early, so he hopped in bed with us for a little bit. He pointed across the room at our wedding photo and said, "Mommy's a princess!"

He wanted to hold the picture, so I handed it to him. He just kept staring at it and saying how mommy was a pretty princess. He didn't even want to get out of bed when we got up. Below is how we left him (and he stayed there, gazing at the picture, for at least 15 minutes!).

Ah, what a sweetheart. I guess we'll keep him.

First Day

This week was Evan's first day of "school." Okay, so he's only 2 1/2 (3 in November), and it technically wasn't school but a Mom's Morning Out at a local church (Highland Pres.), but it was still a big deal in our house. This was the first time I've dropped him off somewhere and left the building. I'd say it went pretty well for the both of us. He didn't even want to leave when I went to pick him up (very good sign!). He'll be going on Tuesdays and Thursdays this school year. I'm sure there will be many fun adventures for him at "school" this year.

I couldn't resist a first day shot even though Evan's still not wild about pictures.

I'm sorry, but there's not much cuter than a little person wearing a book bag!

Elusive Green Grass

Lately I've been struck by how easily I can slip into feelings of discontentment, despite how blessed I know I am. One minute I can be enjoying being home with my boys, thankful that I don't have to miss a minute of their rapidly changing lives, and the next, I find myself wishing I had an additional purpose in which I could interact with adults and be affirmed of my work. Both states of mind feel completely real and compelling to me at the time. How is it possible to swing from one perspective to the next so quickly and frequently? Am I suffering from a mommy-brain induced schizophrenia?

Deep down, I know the answers to these questions. It's not limited to the time and place of my life now. Honestly, this has always been a struggle for me. How often have I thought, "if only I had ___ (fill in the blank: more time, more friends, more money, a better class of students, a job, children, no job, etc.), then I would be happy"? I know this thought is a lie that the evil one uses to cripple us. The truth is that nothing satisfies my longings for happiness but an intimate relationship with the Lord.

So why do I still struggle with this when I know the truth? Ah, it is the age-old mystery of the battle of the flesh and the spirit. I know that because I am a believer of Christ, I am no longer bound by my sin, however since I am alive in this world, my old sin nature is still a temptation for me. So what's the cure? How can I possibly remain content in a world that is every moment telling me I need something else to be happy (all you've got to do is turn on the TV or read a magazine to see that, folks!)?

I was reminded this morning of the power of God's word through our pastor Mike Campbell's compelling sermon on 1 Peter 1:22-2:3. He gave a great illustration that really brought light to my struggle. He said that we often treat reading the word like we're eating Popeye's spinach. We want a BAM! experience in which we are instantly fit and ready to go. Instead, reading God's word is more like a healthy diet, it affects our lives slowly over time.

Thus, the solution for my tendency to become discontent is to faithfully remain in the word, reminding myself of what is true and constant, believing that His word is living and active and able to transform my life. The transformation will take time, unlike the promises of "3 easy steps to a new you" solutions the world tries to sell us. So if you struggle like me to remain at peace with where God has you right now, turn to God's word for a solid foundation. I'll end with a quote from Charles Spurgeon that my pastor used today. Pretty profound, I think:

The Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't.

Levi's Arrival

Levi Matthew Dean made his grand appearance into the world last week, Monday, March 14th at 9:12 AM. He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. Pretty big compared to his older brother's birth weight of 6 lbs. 2 oz.!

So here's how it all unfolded...

In case you didn't know, my due date was March 7th, which came and went without much fanfare. The plan was that my doctor would let me go a week past my due date and if nothing happened, she would induce me on Tuesday, the 15th. With Evan I had a planned c-section because he was breech, but Levi was not, so I was hoping to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearan). Statistically, these are most successful when labor is not induced. So...come Sunday evening before my doctor's appointment, I was getting desperate for labor to happen naturally. I decided it was time to listen to the old wives' tales. What did I have to lose?

Ryan and I went on an hour long, fairly brisk walk, and then the whole family went out for some Italian because so many folks had said that eggplant parmesean can induce labor. I order the eggplant and ate every last drop! The next step was supposed to be a foot massage by my lovely husband, but by 9:00 Sunday night, I started having labor contractions. Was it the walk? The eggplant? Or just the fact that I was a week past my due date? Who knows, but I was just so thankful that labor had come on it's own.

I labored at home for 6 hours till those contractions got to the "magic number" (5 minutes apart), and then Ryan and I headed to the hospital at about 3 am while my mom stayed home with Evan. Once I was checked by the doctor, I was already 5 cm, and by the time I was admitted to the labor room and checked at 6 am, I was 8 cm! I did have an epidural at that point (my dr's recommendation due to prior c-section), BUT it didn't quite take all the way, which made for an exciting, and quite painful birth (if that's a 3rd of the pain, bless those natural birth mamas!!). Thankfully everything about the labor went as smoothly as I could have wished for and Levi is completely healthy! Praise the Lord! And I must say that recovery from this delivery is much smoother, especially since I have a two year old to chase after, too!

The Verdict is In...

Today was my almost 20 week sonogram, and I am pleased to announce that our baby looks perfectly healthy...and we're having another boy! Evan will have a little brother to play with come March! The appointment went very well, and we even got to see some cool 3-D shots of his little face and hands. Technology today is amazing!

Now that we know we get to save money on clothes :), it's time to start picking out that "perfect" name!

A Toddler is Like a Box of Chocolates

Lately in the Dean home, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I expected this to happen, but not quite so soon. I've heard the twos are doozies for some kids, others, the threes. I guess Evan decided to practice his emotional outburts during his pre-twos months. He is now 19 1/2 months old, and I'm not at all implying that every day he's upset or throwing tantrums. In fact, many days he's a perfect angel (in toddler form of course). The truth is, you just don't know what you're going to find when you go to get him up from the crib: a beaming smile, or a cranky scowl. But be assured, each expression is a sign of the morning or afternoon to come. At least he gives us fair warning, right?

My mom can attest to this new development in Evan's life. We just spent a wonderful week together as she was visiting us while Ryan was out of town for the youth's summer camp. It was absolutely fabulous to have her company. We had some fun Grammie bonding during the day, and girl time once Evan was asleep (hello, girlie movies!). We've been working on Evan saying Grammie's given name, but so far, "Mammie" is what we get : ). Below are some pics of Evan & Grammie time.

When Life Gives You Lemonade

Ever have one of those moments where you want to pinch yourself to see if something's really happening to you? I did just yesterday. I was sitting on a park bench, Ryan's arm around my shoulders, watching Evan play in some water fountains during the cool of the evening, when it hit me. My life is pretty darn good. God has blessed me with a wonderful marriage, a happy, healthy son, and brought us to Jackson to serve Him in a vibrant church we have come to love.

That's not to say that life doesn't have its daily challenges. In fact, there have been times over the past several months where I've fought hard against some sour lemons--homesickness, loneliness, self-pity, etc. But God in His wisdom led the Mom's weekly Bible study I attend to do an awesome five month study on contentment. It could not have come at a better time for me. Now when I feel the pull to become discontent (which can come upon me at a moment's notice!), I just remind myself of Paul's words:

"...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:11-13

I desire to learn to live like Paul did, enjoying the good and enduring the bad that life brings, trusting that God is in control of it all. For now, that means I get to thankfully enjoy some tasty lemonade.