Elusive Green Grass

Lately I've been struck by how easily I can slip into feelings of discontentment, despite how blessed I know I am. One minute I can be enjoying being home with my boys, thankful that I don't have to miss a minute of their rapidly changing lives, and the next, I find myself wishing I had an additional purpose in which I could interact with adults and be affirmed of my work. Both states of mind feel completely real and compelling to me at the time. How is it possible to swing from one perspective to the next so quickly and frequently? Am I suffering from a mommy-brain induced schizophrenia?

Deep down, I know the answers to these questions. It's not limited to the time and place of my life now. Honestly, this has always been a struggle for me. How often have I thought, "if only I had ___ (fill in the blank: more time, more friends, more money, a better class of students, a job, children, no job, etc.), then I would be happy"? I know this thought is a lie that the evil one uses to cripple us. The truth is that nothing satisfies my longings for happiness but an intimate relationship with the Lord.

So why do I still struggle with this when I know the truth? Ah, it is the age-old mystery of the battle of the flesh and the spirit. I know that because I am a believer of Christ, I am no longer bound by my sin, however since I am alive in this world, my old sin nature is still a temptation for me. So what's the cure? How can I possibly remain content in a world that is every moment telling me I need something else to be happy (all you've got to do is turn on the TV or read a magazine to see that, folks!)?

I was reminded this morning of the power of God's word through our pastor Mike Campbell's compelling sermon on 1 Peter 1:22-2:3. He gave a great illustration that really brought light to my struggle. He said that we often treat reading the word like we're eating Popeye's spinach. We want a BAM! experience in which we are instantly fit and ready to go. Instead, reading God's word is more like a healthy diet, it affects our lives slowly over time.

Thus, the solution for my tendency to become discontent is to faithfully remain in the word, reminding myself of what is true and constant, believing that His word is living and active and able to transform my life. The transformation will take time, unlike the promises of "3 easy steps to a new you" solutions the world tries to sell us. So if you struggle like me to remain at peace with where God has you right now, turn to God's word for a solid foundation. I'll end with a quote from Charles Spurgeon that my pastor used today. Pretty profound, I think:

The Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't.

Like a Weed

Our little Levi will be 10 weeks old on Monday, only, as it turns out, he's not so little! At his two month check up, he weighed 12 lbs. 12 oz, was 23 1/2 inches long, and measured in the 95th percentile for size (big difference from his 25th percentile older brother!). To get a better idea of the difference between the boys, the picture below shows Levi, at 9 weeks old, wearing the same outfit Evan wore for Easter at 5 months old. Looks like Levi might catch up with Evan before too long!

Levi, 9 weeks old

Evan, 5 months old

Evan's BFF

So Evan has a new BFF around these parts, and no, I'm not referring to his new little brother Levi. It seems that Evan has entered the pretending stage of play because his stuffed Elmo is officially his new best friend! Coincidentally, he received this little Elmo the same day he met Levi at the hospital, so at least he's warmed up to one of them (just kidding, he loves Levi too!).  At our house, whatever Evan does, Elmo does: eat a snack, play a game, ride in the car, watch a video, get his nails trimmed, etc. Here's some documentation (Disclaimer: none of the following were staged, except by Evan himself):

Sharing a graham cracker

Evan directing Elmo how to play "Old MacDonald's Farm"

Elmo is clearly enthralled.

Apparently Elmo wanted to play with Levi, too!

Easter 2011

We celebrated the Lord's resurrection at Redeemer Sunday morning, then in the afternoon we had friends over for an egg hunt and cook out. It was a blast! Here's some pics from the day:

A very happy Levi & Daddy

Mommy & her boys

Evan insisted on wearing his Bob the Builder hat for the hunt.

Pure joy!

Evan chillin' with his buds!

One Month Old

It's hard to believe that Levi is already a month old! Here are some recent pics. He really is a little chunk!

Levi's "playtime"

 

Big brother Evan getting some snuggle time

Levi & Ellie the Elephant

His best pirate impression

Levi's Arrival

Levi Matthew Dean made his grand appearance into the world last week, Monday, March 14th at 9:12 AM. He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. Pretty big compared to his older brother's birth weight of 6 lbs. 2 oz.!

So here's how it all unfolded...

In case you didn't know, my due date was March 7th, which came and went without much fanfare. The plan was that my doctor would let me go a week past my due date and if nothing happened, she would induce me on Tuesday, the 15th. With Evan I had a planned c-section because he was breech, but Levi was not, so I was hoping to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesearan). Statistically, these are most successful when labor is not induced. So...come Sunday evening before my doctor's appointment, I was getting desperate for labor to happen naturally. I decided it was time to listen to the old wives' tales. What did I have to lose?

Ryan and I went on an hour long, fairly brisk walk, and then the whole family went out for some Italian because so many folks had said that eggplant parmesean can induce labor. I order the eggplant and ate every last drop! The next step was supposed to be a foot massage by my lovely husband, but by 9:00 Sunday night, I started having labor contractions. Was it the walk? The eggplant? Or just the fact that I was a week past my due date? Who knows, but I was just so thankful that labor had come on it's own.

I labored at home for 6 hours till those contractions got to the "magic number" (5 minutes apart), and then Ryan and I headed to the hospital at about 3 am while my mom stayed home with Evan. Once I was checked by the doctor, I was already 5 cm, and by the time I was admitted to the labor room and checked at 6 am, I was 8 cm! I did have an epidural at that point (my dr's recommendation due to prior c-section), BUT it didn't quite take all the way, which made for an exciting, and quite painful birth (if that's a 3rd of the pain, bless those natural birth mamas!!). Thankfully everything about the labor went as smoothly as I could have wished for and Levi is completely healthy! Praise the Lord! And I must say that recovery from this delivery is much smoother, especially since I have a two year old to chase after, too!

Ministry Amidst Tragedy

Last week, Ryan and I were awakened by an early morning phone call from our pastor informing us that one of our church members, Michael Barranco, had died suddenly in a tragic car accident over night. It's the news no one ever wants to hear and our hearts were broken, not just because our church lost a truly Godly 48 year old man, but also because his family-his wife and three teenage children-lost their loving husband and father. Mr. Barranco's children are all active in our youth group, comprising most of our youth group's Wednesday night band, and Mia, the oldest, is Evan's favorite babysitter. In the short time that we have been in Mississippi, we have come to know and love the whole family.

This tragedy tremendously affected our entire congregation. You see, Michael was involved in many areas of our church. He was the scout leader for our boy scouts troup that ministers to teenage boys both in our church and our neighborhood. Several of the boys from our neighborhood saw Michael as a father figure in their lives and were devastated by the news. He was also very involved in Redeemer's music ministry. That man had soul and could sing so well! He was one of my favorite song leaders on Sundays not only because he was majorly talented (he's been in several blues bands and has even sung jingles for local commercials), but mostly because his love for the Lord was evident in the way he led worship.

Ryan and I had the amazing opportunity to sing at Michael's funeral. The family asked for Ryan to sing the last song Michael had sung at Redeemer Church just two weeks prior. Ryan and Michael had sung it as a duet, so this time, Ryan sang the lead and I harmonized with the choir backing us up as well.

Michael Barranco's funeral had to have been the most amazing one I've ever attended. At the visitation, there was a line wrapping around the block for people waiting to pay their respects to the family. A total of over 1,800 people came that night! His funeral was standing room only in an auditorium that seats 800, and they had to turn people away because there was no more room. His career as an architect in Jackson had earned the respect of many in the city, and he was deeply loved by many people. After hearing all the loved ones and friends share stories of Michael, it was apparent that he never wasted a second of his life and lived it fully for the glory of God.

Please keep the Barranco family in your prayers as they mourn their incredible loss. I know that the Lord will comfort them and hold them close during this difficult time.

If you have a moment, check out the links below:

The first one is of Ryan & Michael singing "All My Praise" together. If you can hear the words, it might give you chills as it did me--"Even in the shadow of death, I will praise you...".

The second post is of the same song performed at his funeral just two weeks later.